If you think I am going to give up the secret, think again! I have been trained in a Turkish bath, 3 levels underground, and will not be broken so easily. The intensive torture resistance training was conducted along these lines.

  1. Enter an 80°C sauna, get comfortable and then have an assistant throw lots of menthol/eucalyptus water onto the rocks. Try and have a discussion about drinks with an accomplice whilst your eyes are running and your nose is burning.
  2. Out of the sauna into the steam room. The steam is vented onto bowls of citrus fruit providing more eye burning. Overall, nicer on the sinuses though. Steam output is so high, we are sitting in a cloud! Visibility was so poor, I could not see the benches. I don’t even know if anyone else was in there.
  3. Next I had to sit on a marble step and be cleaned. A skilled ‘chap’ visibly removed my skin with a scouring glove. This was followed by a good covering in foam which was rubbed in before a good soaping. The final stage of this process was to put my bones back where they belonged, even if they already were!  I felt very clean… and looked very red!
  4. Wrapped in towel and a towel hat! Time to relax with a freshly squeezed orange and grapefruit juice.
  5. Nearly the end of my training; Massage. This starts off with a good hard back pinching. I was looking down at rust on the frame of the table wondering just how many tears have fallen to create that much oxidation. The rest of the massage was quite pleasant except for the times when it was necessary to flatten my muscle completely. The masseuse was a brave woman, she went near places my own girlfriend would avoid! This massage did pop every bone.
  6. Back to steam room to melt oils, except this time there was even more steam… it was really hot. My skin would have melted if I had any remaining. When I emerged, I was treated to two more washes (without scourer this time) in order to get the oils off!
  7. Dry off, get dressed, pay, leave!

When complete, it felt great! My body felt very light and completely loose. The discomfort was tolerable and in all honesty, I would probably go back. The whole experience was quite sociable. There is nothing like talking about the weather whilst a ‘nearly’ naked man washes you whilst your eyes and sinuses are on fire.

To provide some idea of what this was like, check out this video of Ewan and Charley on the Long Way Round. Differences are; I was massaged by a woman with a towel over me; and, I never actually needed to scream out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhcJ4dWjlZM&feature=player_embedded

The most amazing part of the visit was the exit, the other part of the complex we were in consisted of a shooting range where you could pay to shoot a variety of handguns. I’d quite like to try that next time!

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